Hurricane Sandy

Hurricane Names Need to Change

It is currently 1:52 PM on Sunday, October 28, 2012. As I write this from my home in Northern New Jersey, I am listening to NJ Governor Chris Christie speak about the impending impact of Hurricane Sandy. As of right now the Hurricane Sandy projected path puts my corner of the world in the eye of the storm late Sunday night into early Tuesday morning. As of right now, all anyone can hope for is the storm blows over quickly and has no lasting effects like those of Hurricane Katrina or Hurricane Andrew.

However it has to be said, with all the Hurricane Sandy updates I have been seeing throughout the weekend, the one thing which is clear is Hurricane names need to change. As the east coast of the United States prepares for what looks to be a very significant storm, Hurricane Sandy, has one of the worst hurricane names in recent memory.

Hurricane Fact: Hurricane Irene caused $7 – $10 billion.

What Makes Hurricane Sandra Such an Awful Name?

Without over stating it, large scale storms, like Hurricane Irene and Hurricane Sandy, cause a world of damage to the impacted area. Due to this, I believe a storm which is going to cause over a billion dollars in damage (estimated as of October 28, 2012) should have a name which reflects the damage it is going to cause.

Reasons For Why Hurricane Sandy is a terrible name:

  1. Sandy sounds like a little girl making castles on a beach not a storm hoping to destroy city buildings.
  2. Hurricane Sandy can easily be morphed into Hurricane Sandra. Like Sandy, Sandra sounds like a nice 20 something girl who enjoys baking pies and looking at cute photos of puppies playing in the sand.
  3. Sandy is another name for America’s Sweetheart, Sandra Bullock. As pretty as Ms. Bullock is, she is no one fears her.
  4. Huge Hurricane Sandy doesn’t strike fear into the hearts of the people it will impact. A name should convey meaning. It should tell people what it means and more importantly what it plans to do. This leads me to my next point regarding hurricanes in general.

Hurricane Facts: Hurricane Katrina caused $96 – $125 billion in damage.

Leave or Die

Every hurricane season, hurricane trackers all across the globe are forced to tell the public at large about how bad a storm Hurricane Liz or Hurricane Tammy is going to be. This is an issue. Hurricane names are nonsense because they are named as if they were some sort of Hurricane boat designed to roam the open seas on the sunniest of days. Instead of striking fear into the hearts and minds of the people the storm will hit, Hurricane Andrea and Hurricane Katrina only suffice to get people shopping water and light supplies. A life threatening hurricane should make people fear for their lives.

With that in mind, Hurricane Sandy needs to be renamed to Hurricane Fuck Off or Die. Instead of making people run to the stores for hurricane supplies, Hurricane Fuck Off or Die will make people leave their homes to seek refuge with their loved ones. Whatever the Hurricane category (Hurricane Sandy is a category 1 as of 2:57 PM) the storms should immediately be named “Leave or Die”, “Fuck Off or Get Dead”, “Blow Your House Down” or “I Will Kill You” etc. To get people moving, no matter the category, Hurricanes should carry names which convey what they are: killers.

Hurricane Fact: Hurricane Katrina killed at least 1,833 people.

Bottom Line

And so, while the east coast prepares for what could be another late October cluster fuck, I am going to make myself a Reuben sandwich, watch some weather radar maps, sort through a few hurricane tracking reports and hope to high hell that the next Hurricane Sandra or Hurricane Lola is named Hurricane Fuck Off or Die.

Enjoy the stormy weather and stay safe.

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